just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
