I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
