Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Bring me that man meat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
