He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
