i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
