1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
