I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Pooping to opera.
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