If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
