smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
