I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
