He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
