If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
