Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
