I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
