he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
