I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
