my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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