You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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