Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
