I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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