I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
