FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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