The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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