Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
