I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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