I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
