I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
