Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
