guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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