i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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