You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
