I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
