The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
