using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
