as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
