What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
40s are totally the cure
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
