If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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