Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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