so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
