i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
