my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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