is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
