can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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