now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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