I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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