He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
