She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
