i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
