I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
