# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
