Pants 0. Shit 1.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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