Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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