And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
