Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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