i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
