I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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