I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
